So much has happened since I wrote my last blog. So many changes in Bo.
Last night was especially alarming because he was confused and agitated, holding his head and trying to think of something he was concerned about. But he couldn’t get the words out.
I helped, asking questions, and after he managed to ask a few short questions, I realized he was concerned about tomorrow, felt he had “something” to do, “some appointment… with a doctor?”
He asked if Vlad was coming, and I explained that he’s away. Are the two women coming? (I have no idea where this came from, except that two of my friends came for dinner last week.) “But there’s something,” he said. He was trying to say the name of a doctor but never got it out.
I repeatedly reassured him that I keep track of everything we do, that I have calendars and I am always taking care of him. There is nothing tomorrow.
He was going through his wallet, his bureau drawers, got out cards, and several times he said, “I’m shot. How old am I?” I held him.
My heart was breaking. By the time I got him into bed and reassured that I take care of everything, his ears were buzzing again, a daily event now. I turned on a fan in the hallway to create some noise. Then he was quiet.
This was the worst we’ve experienced, although he is often confused. He really can’t remember anything now. I try to anticipate problems that will develop, hoping I can hold off some of his confusion. The repetitions are endless.
For example, he doesn’t understand why I had the lawn reseeded this week or why the shrubs were trimmed. What the boxes of stuff in the living room are for (the flea market this weekend.) We have a new dog (next blog) and he can’t remember her or her name although he was with me every step of the adoption.
And now it’s morning. Bo is at the kitchen table. His head seems clear, he’s reading the newspaper and commenting on it, last night’s agitation gone for a while.