Who Are You?

Yesterday was a horrible day – one that I’ve dreaded for four years.

Bo didn’t know who I was.

He slept almost all day – had no desire to do anything . The constant tinitis in his ears bothered him so much  that  he went to bed in mid-afternoon after having been up just an hour or so.

I awoke him about 6:30 to have some soup for dinner, and as  we were sitting at the table,  he was asking questions about the dog.  (How old, where from …..) Then he asked the question that made me realize something was really off:

He asked me which of us she lives with.

Dreading the answer,  I asked him if he knew who I was.

He looked at me sheepishly.  “No, “ he replied.

I thought he might be kidding – he still retains his good sense of humor, and often teases me,  so I asked again.

“Really,  do you know who I am?”

He looked so sad and confused.  “Not really.”

“I’m Nancy.  I’m your wife.  We’ve always lived together.”

He looked at me, examining my face, and then he said the words that absolutely broke my heart.

“I don’t know what’s happening.  I’m looking at you.  I’m supposed to know you and love you if we’re married ….”  His voice trailed off.

Then he asked,  “But where’s the girl who used to come here with her father?” I was totally confused by this.  After a bit he mentioned “Mary” which meant nothing to me.  I’ll ask his family later; maybe this is a childhood memory.

I sat there calm on the surface but completely upset inside  while our next chapter was beginning, and I couldn’t bear it.

I decided to move away from the subject.  I couldn’t eat, but he finished the soup. About half an hour later we drove Emma to our main street and took her for a long walk.  While we walked,  he knew who I was,  used my name and seemed his old self.

This morning,  he awoke early and began the day not knowing where he is  or how he got here.  But he knew me.  We went out  with Emma after breakfast and when we returned, he seemed to be OK again.

I’m living in a surreal world right now.