Dinner Party

We had a dinner party for nine tonight.  Bo came downstairs from his nap well-dressed and looking good when they arrived.  He was jovial and pleasant, as always.  A good host.

He ate a good meal and enjoyed the desserts. Didn’t really participate in the conversation, but our friends attempted to include him and he seemed comfortable.  I could almost pretend that the man at the other end of the dining table was the real Boris.

Towards the end of the meal, he asked me, “Are we leaving tonight?”

I chose to simply answer,  “No, not tonight.”

“We’re not?”

A few minutes later he asked the same thing again and I responded the same way.  “No, we’re staying here tonight.”

When everyone left,  he continued to be his old self,  helping me clean up the kitchen,  scrubbing dishes, even putting some things away in the refrigerator.   I had this brief warm feeling of the times when we entertained – together.

Then he went to lie down and I turned on the TV to watch a movie.

Perhaps half an hour later,  he called from the living room,  “Are we eating soon?”

I explained that we had already eaten and that our friends had left.

“Did they lose?” he asked.  Lose?  I tried to interpret.  Did he mean leave? He just couldn’t explain and was clearly frustrated with me when I tried to find the right words for him.  Finally, I concluded that he thought we were at a casino.

He came into the room,  looking at his watch,  and asked, “What have I been doing?”  He looked so confused.


“All this time.  I can’t remember. It’s almost eleven.”

I explained that we had sat around the dining room table for almost three hours, entertaining friends.

“But I don’t understand,”  was his reply.  He had a complete blank where the evening should have been in his memory.

Two or three more times he asked me the same thing, then decided he didn’t want to eat anything and went upstairs to bed.  He was up there and I sat here, wishing I had handled it better – calmed, rather than frustrated him.  Again.

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5 Responses to Dinner Party

  1. dianne says:

    Give yourself a bye Nancy on being human. You need to be as kind to yourself as you are to Bo. Kudos to you for doing something you used to enjoy doing together. xo, miss you, dianne

  2. lori says:

    Try not to be so hard on yourself. We are all very human and we sometimes chastise ourselves for not being perfect. You are doing the best job you can. I can see similar examples in Dad from the stories you tell about your husband and I feel your frustrations and heartaches. The best thing you can do for your husband is to take care of yourself. Bless you for being a wonderful caregiver.

  3. Mimi says:

    Dear Nancy,

    I agree w/ your friends. You are doing a fabulous job, please be as gentle and kind with yourself as you are with Boris.
    Please take care of you,
    Infact, go get a massage.
    I had a great massage therapist in Haddonfield at “Be Well” across from the Town Hall, and
    her name is Lori Toll.

    Glad I can keep reading your blogs now that we are re-connected.

  4. flippety says:

    I love your writing. It’s very vivid and compassionate, and you get across the difficulties and frustrations of your situation in an understated, simple way. Sending you all good wishes and courage as you continue down your road. My father has the same illness

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