Today was a nightmare – a preview of the days to come, I’m sure.
After three days of getting up at 4:30 in the afternoon, Bo got up at 8:30 am today. I wanted him to get up – to have a ‘normal’ day — but by noon, I wished he could still be sleeping, and I felt so guilty for this thought.
You see, his confusion was palpable. For three hours he asked me questions that I couldn’t answer – incomplete, unfinished questions with key words missing.
When do we… leave for ….. (no word) ?
When do we get a …. uh …. paper? (I finally fill in “ticket?”)
What time do we take the pan? (the pan?)
Shouldn’t we take the … you know … (he points out the window to the car.)
Isn’t he waiting for us? (who?)
Do we need a license for shat? (for shat?)
After an omelet breakfast, we took the dog for a walk. I thought the brisk air and sunshine might help to clear up his thinking, but it didn’t. As soon as we were back, it all began again.
Don’t we have a … you know… a (lost word.)
How long have we been here?
Isn’t that man coming to …. (to do what?) … he was here, you know. He put the bottom in.
I ask him, “Do you mean Robert? He worked on the sump pump.”
Yes, he agrees, then continues by asking an unrelated question that I don’t understand.
Then he focuses on where we are. Even as I say to him, “We are home. This is our house, our living room, our furniture; we own this house,” he says, “We do? I don’t remember that.”
He goes to the sofa, and I try to soothe him as he lies there holding the front of his head, worrying himself sick over unasked questions that he can’t find the words for, things that must be swirling in his brain but never settling long enough to make sense.
I turn around to leave the room, but it starts all over again. I try to answer the questions until I can’t stand it one more time. I go to the family room to read the paper and pull myself together.
Fifteen minutes later, he wanders into the room looking just terrible, and says, “I thought what’s-his-name was coming to ……” but he can’t finish the sentence.
And I can’t help.