Where is It?

I was standing at the kitchen counter polishing 4 pairs of Bo’s leather shoes and thinking how he did this for me all of our lives.  I would get many pairs of my shoes out and line them up so he could polish them while he watched TV.

 How he has changed,  this man who never wore an unpolished shoe or a  wrinkled shirt,  never drove a car that wasn’t shined, who always cleaned the car windows before leaving the driveway for a short trip.  Now he is totally unaware of any of these things.  This week he wore his best dressy black loafers (with white sox) in the wet grass to pull weeds.

 He has declined so much in the past few  months, and it shows in so many ways. 

 I knew this morning that it would be a difficult day because at breakfast he asked me if he could brush his teeth.  I responded, “ Of course,”and then he asked, “Well,  how do I do that?”

 “You just need your toothbrush and toothpaste,” I said without thinking what would come next. 

 “Where is it? “ he asked.

 “In the downstairs bathroom on the sink.”

 “Where is that?”  he asked.

 I walked him to the  powder room and gave him the toothbrush and toothpaste that stand in a mug on the counter by the sink.

 Tonight, as he was getting ready for bed,  he was about to put bar soap on the toothbrush when I interceded and gave him the tube of Colgate which was right in front of him. 


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8 Responses to Where is It?

  1. dianne says:

    Thinking of you everyday…..dw

  2. Maureen says:

    God bless you both!

  3. Ruth says:

    Interesting though, that he knows to ask questions. Nancy, you are in my prayers that God will continue to give you the strength and patience to deal with all these difficult changes. Admire your resourcefulness, steadfastness, and courage to work with Bo in his special time. God bless you!

  4. Arleen Mildred Stolzenberger says:

    Think of you both often You both remain in our prayers.

  5. luandwords says:

    This morning Dad was being difficult. Mom forgot to give him his meds last night. He woke hours earlier than usual and he was agitated; insisting that he had somewhere he needed to go and it was urgent. He is struggling now to find the words to explain himself and he is forgetting that he has Alzheimer’s. When he was aware of his illness, he was sad, but very loving and gentle; he lavished my mother with appreciation for all the care she was taking with him. Now he doesn’t understand why he can’t drive or go at will. When he is in this mode he grabs my mother and shakes her leaving bruises on her arms when she tries to gain control of the situation.

    My mother is beginning to lose her mind with the stress of constant care taking and with the latest decline the aggression and anger that comes with it. Her memory is failing and she is in deep denial that this disease is only going to get worse. My sisters and I are at the house and helping daily. We’ve enlisted a Care Coordinator who has helped us get in- home medical professionals who visit and check for health issues once per month and to hire a home health aide to relieve mom of the stress of getting him to take a shower (a trigger for his outbursts) two days a week. We are adjusting his medications to include seroquel for his aggression and it seems to help, but it also makes him very sleepy. There is no logical thread to follow as to where his mind is going, or to help us understand how he can be very witty and cognizant in conversation, yet in the next minute he will forget who my mother is, or if she is alive.
    Tomorrow I take my mother in for a series of neuropsychological tests in hopes of determining if her memory loss and confusion is the onset of dementia, or the byproduct of the stress of caretaking.
    I hope you have people helping you! Please take good care of yourself!

  6. charlotte guarino says:

    Don’t know how you do it, Nancy. I guess it helps that Boris has always been such a kind, gentle person,That personality continues to shine through. Bless you both.

  7. Brenda in IN says:

    Was just reading your blog several posts back about you possibly needing help and Boris not able to help. I don’t know where you live but in our city you can call the non emergency police station number and have them flag your phone number. Tell them someone at your number is ill and there may come a time when you need help and cannot speak or are confused. They will then know if they get an emergency call from your number they will come. It could help one or either of you at some point.

  8. Bob moors says:

    Been there done that. My wife past away over a year ago. The road you are on is very difficult. I was the primary caregiver and did not have any family support. Just too difficult to watch. I encourage you to seek as much support you can get. Depending where in the brain the disease is attacking you will get odd behavior. Sometimes if it is in the frontal lobe they might get violent. The key to remember it is the disease talking.

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