Homework

Bo had two breakfasts  and  at 10:30  he wanted to know if we were having lunch.  He awoke early in a good mood as usual,  greeting me and talking.  Then he asked when he is going home, and I knew that he didn’t think I was his wife.  I got him coffee and oatmeal and went to take my shower.  When I came back downstairs,  he hugged me and I asked if he knew who I was.

“I’m not sure, he said.

“I’m your wife.”

“Really, Nancy, ” It wasn’t a question; it was a statement.

This was an insight.  Subconsciously he knew me and used my name, but when he thought about it, he didn’t.  Then we had the “How long?” and “We own this house?  Together?” conversation throughout his second breakfast.

Recently, it struck me.  I have to do my homework. I need to begin preparing in case there’s a major change and I must make a decision about Bo’s future:  A place where he will be cared for and safe.

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7 Responses to Homework

  1. Dianne says:

    Wow professor that is really difficult homework. Hard to know when it is the time to turn the page. Daily prayers for both of my dear friends. With love, d

  2. Ruth Geddes says:

    I read your blog with sadness and great empathy.
    Thank you for sharing your lives and experiences —
    I am also an Alzheimer’s Wife. Although my husband is still in the moderate stage, we have talked together about the time when I may not be able to continue caring for him at home. He, like so many seniors, suffers from co-morbidities: two or more coexisting medical conditions or disease processes which further complicate his situation. He did not experience a good beginning to his life, living in a dysfunctional family setting. I dearly want his end of life to be as good as I can make it, but I fear that there will come a time when I may not be able to provide this. Our local long term care faciities have a minimum of a two year waiting list and so, reluctantly we have signed the papers for placement. Not an easy thing to do, but it is really important to be prepared.

    • Thank you so much for your reply, Ruth. I understand your plight. The pain involved in all of this is truly indescribable. I am usually a really unemotional person but I find I can hardly speak of this decision without tears in my eyes. Nancy

  3. Maureen says:

    You never know how many lives you’re touching. Keep on blogging!

  4. thom sweeney says:

    Nancy, I feel…and share your pain. My “Crossing the Rubicon” will be the day that Helen doesn’t know who I am. I think of that moment all the time. Just last week I told her that our oldest son Gavin would be coming over, and she asked “Which one is he?” It broke my heart. Because I know somewhere in the not too distant future, I’m going to be next.

  5. Linda Forrest says:

    Nancy, I know how hard a decision that will be. But preparing for it ahead of time by at least visiting facilities to find a couple that you like will go a long way in relieving your mind if/when that decision has to be made. Take care, my friend.

  6. Julio Feldman says:

    Nancy, that is a very hard decision. I visited a few facilities last summer, at first thinking that I would need to place my wife within two or three years. This past September 14, much earlier than I had expected, she went to live in a memory/reminiscence unit. Emotionally it was very difficult for me, in fact tears are flowing as I write this, however with time and a good therapist, I know that for us it was the right decision and life continues in a different way. I see how her disease is progressing and she needs to be cared for in a safe environment.

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