The Unthinkable

I am trying to think the unthinkable:  Is it time for me to move my husband from our home into a memory facility?

I can’t describe the pain of considering what day he will stop living here,  my husband of 51 years.  He’s always been here.  How will I choose a day,  put him into the car, and drive him to his new home?  How will I leave there and come back home?

He doesn’t know what I’m considering,  that I’ve visited facilities and stood there in the hallway trying to picture him living there.  Eating there.  Sleeping there.  Confused, lost, wanting to go home.   Maybe not comfortable with those people.

I watch him in the kitchen, and I think he won’t be here foraging in the refrigerator for ice cream. I see him in the yard picking up leaves and twigs, and I think I’ll never look out the window and see him there.

I slip into my side of the bed and think, how will I do this alone?  And I can’t sleep.  The tears come as I  try to imagine how he won’t understand.

And I doubt and doubt.  Would he be better off there with people and activities?  Could he be happier without Emma and me?  What will happen to him?

This is too hard to bear.

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12 Responses to The Unthinkable

  1. Dean says:

    That is so, so sad. And overwhelming to think about. Wish I knew someone who had faced the decision before and might give you some perspective.

  2. Annamarie says:

    My heart goes out to both of you. You are an amazing woman who is admired by all that know you. Boris is a wonderful man. Please know that I think of you and Boris a lot and wish I lived closer to offer help/support. Sending my love, Annamarie

  3. Maureen says:

    You’ll know when it’s time. Let go and let God.

    • Deb says:

      Nancy, my heart and thoughts are with you. I just cried too as I read this.
      I got your text on Mon. but have been dealing with some concerns with my mother and her move.
      Love you both very much…..

      Deb

  4. Pauline Koch says:

    Nancy, my heart goes out to you as well! It is an unthinkable decision and action to make. My thoughts and prayers are with you and if I can be of help, please call on me. hugs!! Pauline

  5. charlotte guarino says:

    It is very difficult, Nancy. Whatever decision you make will be supported by all of your dearest friends. You will need each and everyone of us to get through this. Bless you both.

  6. lori says:

    Such a difficult, heart-wrenching decision. Mom & I are faced with the same decision also. I hope that by talking about it now – we can make plans – whether to place him or to keep him home. I don’t know what the next few months will bring – but we just try to take it one day at a time. I know you will make the right decision that will be best for the both of you. Hugs and prayers to you.

    • Thank you so much, Lori. Friends are helping me to come to terms with this, but I’ve been told by spouses who have been through it that it will take six months for me to survive the guilt no matter how well it works out for Bo. I never dreamed that the hardest decision of my life would be this one.

  7. Ine says:

    Always thinking of you and I am sure I will shed a tear or two as well for you and Bo. Some life changing decision are way to hard to make by yourself so lean on all your friends. We all love you.

  8. Pat says:

    Nancy, It’s impossible to escape feeling even a small measure of guilt, even when you know you’ve made the right decision. Don’t let it keep you from making the best decision for Bo and you.
    My heart is with you both. lovepat

  9. Karen Phillips says:

    I love you Nancy and cannot bear to think of you having to make this heart-wrenching decision.
    But if anyone can do this, you can. Knowing you as I do, Nancy, you are strong and will make a decision that is best for Boris and for you.

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