I recently connected with Lisa, a caregiver in Texas who has invited other caregivers to participate in her “One Word Wednesday” blog. She posts a new word each week and if it touches us, we write and link our response to her site. The word last week was always. I responded:
Your comment about “get up and go” really struck me. Bo has mostly slept through his days for a number of years now. Awaken, lie back down and nap. Eat, nap, shower, nap, walk outside, come back in and nap. This isn’t Bo. All his life he has lived by the DO-THREE-BIG-THINGS-TODAY rule. He would always awaken early, often stirring me, asking, “So what are we doing today?” This meant: golf, tennis, water skiing, boating, going to the casino, going somewhere, doing something important. No down time for him. Many days I just groaned: Give me a break … I want to sit around and read a book. What makes me so sad is that I think he awakens now, doesn’t remember that anything is wrong, and thinks he can get up, headed into an active day. Occasionally, he even dresses and comes downstairs ready to go. But then, he is exhausted — eating breakfast wears him down so that he will almost fall asleep at the table. He sits, head bent over, so sad, and this is when he realizes but doesn’t understand the changes in his life. He will say things like “I’m a zero. I’m not worth anything. I just need to die.” It breaks my heart. Always.
(Visit Lisa’s blog at “MySweetPeanut.com” or “One Word Wednesday” — links on this page.)