It’s usually easy for me to write a post for this blog. I have an idea that percolates, then I’m ready to write. But in the past month, it has been hard. I don’t know what to write. At least, not about Bo because he is simply steadily declining in tiny increments.
I went on a trip for eight days right after Thanksgiving and when I returned, I could see changes. Jon and Cynthia and our Hospice nurse also see them, but these changes are hard to describe.
Less communicative, less mobile, less eye contact …. more sleeping, no sundowning, no wanting to “go home.” He had a bad cold and coughed and coughed but it’s over. There is a constant struggle to keep his intestines healthy. He rarely moves more than his arms or legs on the bed or sofa and never attempts to get up. The baby monitor is helpful because we can check on him from anywhere in the house.
Occasionally he tries to say something. Sometimes I know what he means; other times I have no idea but I try to respond. He smiles at me and wants to hold my hand or rub my hair, but I haven’t heard him say my name in over a month.
Meanwhile, our house is ready for Christmas — two trees up and decorated inside, and Jon’s special lights in the front yard. … so special, in fact, that people are stopping in front of the house to look at them. (He made the big ornaments hanging in the trees and the ball.) But Bo notices none of it. He used to love Christmas lights; we often rode around at night just enjoying them. Now, if we could get him into the car, he wouldn’t notice anything around him, even when we pointed it out.
Yesterday I took the children to Philadelphia to see Macy’s famous light show then to City Hall to ice skate (even though it was almost 70 degrees.) NancyCamp slowed down this year, but we’ll do more in the next two weeks. And Bo will sleep at home while the holidays swirl around him.