It’s All Right

Mother

Mother

My mother had her feet solidly on the ground.  She wasn’t a dreamer, didn’t believe in  fortune tellers or the supernatural, but she did have occasional intuitions that were spot on.  One of those intuitions was about my future.

As I wrote in my blog, ” Telling Mother” , she was very upset about Bo’s illness and my role as his caregiver.  How would I do it alone?  What would I do when he was gone?   She worried and fretted.  Her heart broke.

But  a couple of years after I told her about Bo,  she greeted me with a new smile, and as we sat down in her living room,  I knew she was eager to tell me something.

“I have a feeling,” she announced.  “It came to me last night. Everything is going to be all right for you.  You will be okay. I’m sure of it.”

I could see the relief in her face, feel her relax.  I never knew just what happened to make her feel this way,  but she was right. A year later, Mother was gone and I was alone with Bo.  I just couldn’t care for him  by myself anymore, so I put him into a memory care facility — the hardest thing I’ve ever done —  but after one terrible week, I brought him back home. It had been the wrong decision, for  him and for me.

And when he came home,  my friends told me I needed to get help. I was exhausted,  looked terrible, wasn’t sleeping,  couldn’t leave the house.  It was then that I found Jon. I interviewed him,  and we decided he would begin taking care of Bo the next week.  But that changed. That same day I hurt my knee  and couldn’t put any weight on it, so I called Jon. Could he start immediately?

He did,  the next morning.  I remember asking him, “What kinds of things do you do?  I’ve never had help like this before.”

“Anything that you need,” was his answer.

He fixed my breakfast and did a load of laundry before getting Boris up, and that was the beginning of our lives together.  A month later his home burned and I invited him to bring  his wife and two children here to live with me.  That decision worked out so well that we still live together as a family.

And, as Mother predicted, what had seemed impossibly difficult ended up all right.   I found help and had support throughout the rest of Bo’s illness. Everything worked out and I’m all right.

________________

The story of finding Jon:  “Big Changes at Home.”

The story of  taking Bo to the memory facility: Assisted Living Ended 

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This entry was posted in Alzheimer's, caregiving, dementia, Mother and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to It’s All Right

  1. MCI Alice says:

    Love having read about your struggle and Jon’s arrival at the time and now again from the vantage point of reflection…such a valuable perspective…

  2. Paula says:

    God does work in mysterious ways. Thank God for Jon and his family!

  3. So helpful to hear these stories of how it’s been for you around the issue of increasing need for increasing levels of care. Thanks for writing. And the part about Jon coming into your life as he did, and then his family, is just amazing.

  4. Mary Smith says:

    I hadn’t realised Bo had gone into a care home. I hadn’t found your blog then. His reaction was exactly as we feared it would have been with dad.
    I’m so glad your mother had a sense of relief when she somehow knew things would be all right and was no longer so worried about you and Bo.
    How did Jon know you needed someone? Did you advertise for someone to help with caring for Bo? Do othink you could clone him? There are many people out there who would love to have a Jon come and help – and not so many Jons.

  5. It was serendipity. People were giving me names of agencies or someone they had heard of. My nail girl texted me that one of her clients had heard of (but didn’t really know) Jon. I don’t know why, but something told me to call him, and I did.

  6. Maureen says:

    Love this and your mother’s intuition!

  7. Dianne Wilkens says:

    Wow Nancy that’s one of your most powerful writings. Oh, the wisdom of age. How have Jon and his family handled their loss of Bo?

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

  8. We’ve all adjusted we’ll, knowing that Bo doesn’t have to suffer any more. I think it was harder for Jon than for me. He was very attached to Bo, only knew him when he was ill.

  9. Guardian angels watch over us in times such as these, and Jon is one. Your dear mother as well. In our family’s case, my Mom needed a caregiver and found two-for-one. Judy stayed with her and tended to her personal needs, meals and the like, and offered companionship. Judy’s husband, Sam, brought his guitar and filled one of Mom’s greatest pleasures: Music. Many sing-a-longs took place in Mom’s years.

  10. Frances says:

    Dear Nancy, Just want to tell you that I think of you many times and I miss your postings. I’m sure I’m not the only person who often wonders how life is moving along for you — and for Jon and his family. If and when you feel up to updating us all, it would be so appreciated! However, having “been there” (two years ahead of you) I realize that it’s possibly not the right time for you to try to put together an update, so please don’t feel any pressure. Just know that you are still important to your blog followers and we all continue to wish you well. Sending a warm virtual hug — Frances in California.

  11. Mary Smith says:

    And a hug from me, too. I think of you often, Nancy, and wonder how you are.

  12. Its been ages since you have written, and I don’t know how things are with you, but I’ll always pray for you and wish you happiness…. Hugs….

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